I am falling head over heels with my 18-month-old toddler

I am falling head over heels with you darling.

As you shower me with so much kisses and hugs everyday.

As you constantly smile at me and laugh with me over the silliest thing.

Every morning, the first thing you do is to "koala bear" hug me.

In the middle of the night, I stay awake to admire your beautiful face while you will wrap your tiny arm around my neck.

You drop all your toys and run towards me to hug me the moment when you see me.

My phone memory keep getting full as I record thousands of your cute videos and photos.

I am constantly thinking about you, buying your favourite food, clothes and toys, showering you with love.

I love you baby. I love you my 18-month-old cutie pie, 18-month-old beautiful toddler.

From your mummy who will always love you more and more each day.

Stop worrying direct latch breastfeeding mummy!

I used to always worry about her not getting enough milk too. I think as a Mum it is natural for you to keep worrying whether she is direct latch or on bottle.

I know two mummies who each have two babies. Firstborn bottle feed but slightly below average size. Their Second baby direct latch super Big chubby baby.

As a FTM, I am constantly worried about my baby's weight even until now she is mainly on solids.

I worry whether she has sufficient milk from direct latch:
-when her percentile gradually dropped from newborn of 75 percentile to now maintain at above 25 percentile,
- when she fuss at breast
- when my mil says her thighs super skinny bcos i drink too much water
- when my period returns
- when she stop STTN and keep waking up to latch

However, I try to constantly remind myself that every baby is different, some are just smaller size and that my baby is very active. If they are hungry or discomfort, they will just wake up more frequently to nurse. As long as there is no sudden major drop in weight percentile or diapers too few and that my baby is meeting the milestones, I should always believe in my child and myself.

A letter to myself as a FTM

Mummy, u are doing well! Stop blaming yourself for her eczema, her constipation, her cold or everytime she knocks her head while crawling.

Mummy, stop being a perfectionist and wish to stick to one standard way or any theory of upbringing a child. There are traditional ways, there are theories, there are research, there are 101 creams for eczema be it steroid or non-steroid. There are 101 ways of feeding a child solid food be it traditional porridge or blw. Depending on circumstances, every child will be "best" suit for different method at every different stage. Be open minded, there is no best method actually, babies will grow up somehow. Help her to make the "best" decision everyday every moment and believe it is the best because to her, you are her best mum and you are the best. Trust yourself, Trust her! Be confident in whatever method you choose. Give yourself and her sometime to try but be flexible to change.

You are learning too. There is no perfect solution to upbringing of a child. It is trial and error. There is no "if". If someone tells you that you have done wrongly, don't blame yourself. There is no right or wrong. Depending on the circumstances, you have made the "best" decision and you know it.

She is your priority but you need to always maintain a balance too. You need
your sleep so that you can help her make the "best" decision. You need your own time and time to reflect and remind yourself you have done well.

Just like breastfeeding, you managed to breastfeed her almost 9 months. You know that she has grown well bcos of your milk. Stop questioning yourself over this or any other things as you can't have "if". Maybe you will do a different way for your second child. But for this, stop regretting. You know you have tried to make the best decision and you are a First Time Mum and you have done well. There is nothing to compare.

You have done well bcos you are her Mum.

4.5 month to 5th month baby cranky.

Just when I thought i managed to pass through all major obstacles (wonder weeks, growth spurt and sleep regression), bb started to be cranky again.

At 4.5month, U are drooling, your whole hand full of saliva and biting toys and our shoulders. You nursed for more than 45mins but woke up rubbing your ears when I put you on bed. A few days later, you refused to be nursed and arched your back and cried loudly. You woke up crying loudly during naps. You were cranky. I thought u were teething. But after waiting for two weeks plus, almost three weeks, you drooled lesser but still continued to put your hand in your mouth. But still, no visible signs of any tooth growing.

Thinking that you were teething, i gave you the teether, at times it seems to work. You nursed peacefully after playing with the teether for 15 mins. Or is it because you were not hungry or you were just too tired? So after 15 mins later, you succumbed to my breast.

Sometimes, i had to rely on the kokadi baby carrier to babywear you to sleep. Quite a few times it seems to work.

In short, your routine is all gone! You refused to nap at times despite super tired. Sometimes i thought is because i brought you out that's why you were overstimulated. But sometimes we were at home, the whole day, and you still refuse to nap and become cranky.

At night, you latched very long and on both sides. You been sleeping better at night compared to the 3rd month. But would cry or lift up your legs repeatedly in the middle of the night and then dozed off back to sleep.

Well, or is this still the four month sleep regression? Last week, you were quite okay already... haiz...i thought the four month sleep regression is over? And you almost coming to 5th month... but they say the fourth moNth sleep regression can be from 3.5th month to 5th month. Except for about two weeks of peacefulness, most of the days from 3.5month till now 5th month 1week, you seem to be rather cranky.

Well, but you starting to smile and laugh and play alot. It seems that you have your own personality now and trying to learn to express yourself by crying out loudly. (Wonder week said that you kNow how to refuse breast! Yes you do but can you do it in a more gentle way instead of screaming? Okay, i'm scared liao so i learnt my lesson and try not to insist you nursed. But sometimes, i'm just so scared that you would be hungry or too tired. And to confess, mummy is tired at times and wish that you can quicky doze off the way you used to. )

And perhaps, you are learning how to soothe yourself to sleep. You seem to become a light sleeper. (Well, the 4th month sleep regression said you trying to change from infant sleep pattern to adult way and also will nap less. We adults also flip and toss while we sleep, and some adults also talk in their sleep. So maybe that's why you sometimes will wake up in the middle of the night. Perhaps, you really don't need so much naps already and i shouldn't force you.)

Well well, mummy is always trying to guess what is wrong, with the hope that knowing it is phase only or anything i can do to help you.  Guess many mummies are facing the same issue.

Anyway, mummy loves you. And that when you were cranky, daddy would help out by carrying you or hold you little hand while i nursed you. It makes me love your daddy even more.

Oh btw, today is 5th month 1 week (22.5th week). And your new wonder week begins! Faint! Haha.

After writing my blog, i saw this article being shared on facebook! It explains why bb is cranky!

Why I choose kokadi (kkd)

I joined the babywearing singapore Facebook and I realised the popular brands for soft structured carrier are Tula, kokadi flip, ergobaby, Manduca and Boba 4G.

You may wish to click this link for a comparison of Kokadi Flip, Manduca and Tula.

And this link for comparison for Manduca, Tula and Boba 3G. (Note that I think this Singapore retail shop sells kkd wrap but not kkd flip!)

This link is for comparison for Tula, Boba 4G, ergobaby and babybjorn.

I already had a sg50 sling and a hand- down babybjorn.

Review of SG50 sling
SG50 is a sling and it keeps moving on my shoulder. Moreover, it is more suitable for bigger sized parents and babies. I already tried to reduce the strap length to the shortest length but it was still very loose. Baby could slip out if I never pull enough cloth under her buttock. This is a useful YouTube on how to wear SG50 sling. I used my SG50 sling maybe 5 times but always adjusting and adjusting the cloth. I also hated to have to carry baby over the shoulder in order to wear SG50 sling.

Review of old version babybjorn
I think my babybjorn is the older version that is not ergonomic. Plus it can be used only when baby is at least 6 kg. And I hated (once again) I had to carry baby high up and slot her legs into the holes in order to wear her. And most importantly, my baby seemed to hate it because everytime we put her in, she would cry! ( Ok, maybe I was too violent when struggling to make her legs go into the holes or she was not in the right mood?)

Why I choose soft structured carrier (SSD)

- Very easy to use.

My friend showed me how she wore her Tula, kkd and Manduca and I was shocked at how easy they were compared to my SG50 sling and babybjorn:

1) Clip the big buckle to your waist (like how you wear a belt and then twist the carrier to your back)
2) Sit down on a chair or sofa or bed with the "hanging cloth" on your lap
3) place baby lying face up on top of the cloth on your lap
4) wear the two straps up like how you wear a haversack bag (imagine front carry a haversackbag)
5) click the upper security clip located below the back of your neck so that the two straps don't move.

- light and can be rolled up and kept in the diaper bag

Why I choose kkd flip?

1) Kkd flip is thin and airy so suitable for our horrible hot Singapore weather. Most importantly, it doesn't need a infant insert. Most people would start to babywear perhaps after baby about two months old and baby would be like 4 to 5kg and legs are not long enough for most carrier if without insert.

2) The web width is adjustable to fit baby from newborn (3.5kg) and hence it doesn't need an infant insert. Web width is the part where determines the spread of your baby legs.

(See picture below. The 40cm ruler shows that the maximum web width is about 42cm. You can easily adjust the size of the web width according to the size of your baby so that your baby is seated knee to knee.)

3) The shoulder straps are adjustable such that it is suitable for short people like me (1.52m) and tall guys like hubby (1.76m). For thin girls (not me, sob), you will be glad to know that the length of waist clip can be adjusted and suitable for 22 to 42 inches.

You may wish to look at item 9 of the FAQs of fluffmail for the detailed specifications.

4)It can also be used for breastfeeding. My first attempt at home to try to breastfeed using kkd was a failure as I couldn't adjust it low enough. Next time round, I shall try to loosen the waist belt so that I can lower it further.

(It was only my second time wearing kkd and Baby fell asleep in the kkd and woke up feeling super hungry. So I was super clumsy and unfamiliar with the straps. I went to lower both sides instead of only the side I was supposed to latch and I was sitting on my bed...)

You may wish to click this link stating the instructions on how to breastfeed with a carrier.

Things I dislike about kkd flip
1) I think there are no retail shop in Singapore selling kkd flip. So I couldn't try! Lucky, I got a friend willing to let me try hers. But still, I didn't dare to adjust her "default" settings she already adjusted for herself and her baby. And I was afraid that if I buy online, I don't know how to adjust correctly. But I am glad that kkd flip comes with a detailed clear manual!

Note that there is one shop at bishan selling kkd wrap but kkd flip and kkd wrap are different!

You may wish to join the Singapore babywearing facebook group and attend their gatherings to try out kkd flip!

2) I feel that the height of the panel is abit short at 34cm. My girl is tall. It is stated that kkd flip can withstand baby weight until baby is about 18 months, 15kg. I realised other carriers like Manduca can withstand until 20kg.

3) The security back clip can be abit difficult to fasten. Ok, my hubby doesn't have a problem with that. My hands are short and not flexible to reach it at times. I been practicing and getting the hang out of it. But not to worry too much about this as there are ways to overcome this small problem.

Review of seller fluff mail
I ordered kkd flip through fluff mail using credit card at 11am on Monday. I chose the Mr Wunderland at $259 and the drool pads (strap protector) at $28. I received confirmation email and payment email immediately.

At about 11.15am(!!!), I received two SMS stating that it would be delivered between 6pm to 10pm on the same day. The first SMS was a computer generated SMS which provided the tracking URL. When clicked, it showed the name, contact number and even a picture of the delivery guy and status of the delivery! The second SMS was sent by fluff mail staff asking if anybody would be at home. I failed to notice the second SMS and I did not reply. At 12plus, another SMS came asking me to confirm if there would be anyone at home to receive the kkd and that if there isn't, they would be happy to rearrange another date for me. I quickly replied the SMS and fluff mail replied "Great, we will proceed with the delivery. Happy babywearing!". At 5pm, I received my kkd carrier and the drool pads.

In short, super happy with their service - efficient and polite.

Wonder week 15th to 16th week? 4th month sleep regression? 3rd month growth spurt? Changing to Graco baby cot?

Been looking forward to this wonder week!

It felt tiring but exciting at the same time!

This wonder week started off with Bb refusing to be carried in cradle hold position when we tried to coax her to sleep. She would shout and struggle to pull herself up.

She smiled alot whenever we played with her but could start wailing the next moment.

She refused to take naps although she looked tired. She also fussed alot at the breasts, perhaps she was too tired. She also latched for more than an hour at times.

Her eyes brightened up and she smiled at times when I showed her the toys. She could hold and play with her cubic toy (see picture at bottom of page). Her hands would grab any cloth materials near her eg. Swaddle, hankerchief, bib, diaper mat, waterproof sleeping mat and also the rails of her rocker.

She started to react and turn towards to the source of sound e.g. the rattle or when we talked to her. But her "sense of direction" was still not that good. She would react but it took her quite some time to turn towards the source of the sound.

She watched my actions such as when I was drinking water or using the keys to open the door. Everything seemed to be very interesting to her. 

At night, she tossed and turned her head from left to right, followed by lifting her legs and slammed them down making loud bangs repeatedly.

Graco pack and play

The first night

It happened that we just "upgraded" to a bigger cot (Graco playpen, see picture below). The playpen was very shaky as the bassinet net only hanged loosely on the upper ends. So the first night, she was making alot of noise by repeatedly turning her head and slamming her legs down. We had to make holes and secure the four bottom corners of the bassinet to the playpen using cable tie. 

The second night onwards

The bassinet was no longer shaky but she continued to turn her head and slammed her legs down especially the first half an hour after we placed her in the playpen. Perhaps it was her way to soothe herself to sleep. 

On certain nights, I could still hear that she was tossing in her Graco playpen every 1 hour. I wonder if it is due the wonder week, the graco playpen or I have become a light sleeper.

Well, I still prefer the co-sleeper which doesn't shake at all but because it was the mini version, I had to "upgrade" it to Graco.

I realised other mummies also facing the same "problem" as me. Let's just hope it is a phase only. Well, but I still think that the Graco playpen is really "noisy" and it is disturbing my sleep...

Valentine's day with baby

Hi bb,

This post is for u. Want u to know u got a number 1 daddy.

Today is Valentine's day. This is the best Valentine's day I had so far even though there are no flowers or presents given by daddy.

We didn't celebrate Valentine's day at any restaurant. It was simple. After a simple meal at Star Vista, we went back to our lovely woodlands home. We haven't been back for more than 1 month.

It was a pleasant surprise. Daddy had took a half day leave two days ago just to come to woodlands house for "spring cleaning". He spent hours cleaning the house for YOU.

We only stayed for 1 night but I was super happy. Daddy spent the whole day playing with you (most of the time helping you to change diapers! Haha. You poo alot u know? Many times are explosives kind and Daddy had to wash your pants).

I had my best shower too. Because I get to hear the voices of you and daddy playing/"arguing" while I bathe.

I love you daddy and I love you bb. Hope that you are having a sweet dream now. Daddy is holding you in his arms and don't dare to move a single inch as he is afraid that you will wake up. Think you had alot of fun and joy for your first Valentine's Day. Looking forward to celebrating with both of you the next Valentine's Day!

P.S you just poo again!

Child Vaccination (Newborn immunisation at hospital and immunisation at polyclinic)

Thomson Medical Centre (Hospital)
2nd day: BCG on left buttock and 1st dose of Hept B on right thigh

Making the first appointment for polyclinic

Called Jurong polyclinic to make appointment in week 3. Register child via phone as child is under 12 years old, have to be under mother's name. And, since I had never been to polyclinic before, I also had to register myself via phone. Was told the vaccination would be Hept b at 1 month old and each vaccination should be at least 1 month apart. The earlier dates were being fully booked and was appointed to go at 6th week. 

Summary for polyclinic vaccination 

First visit (Hept B, 1st month): To bring birth certificate, mother's IC and health booklet for verification during the first visit. Do not need to make any payment for this round as Hept B vaccinations are fully subsidized by the government. We were advised by the nursing staff that Hept B will not trigger fever. 

Second visit (PCV, 5 in 1 and Rotavirus, 3rd month) :To bring health booklet, Birth certificate and CDA ATM card. Birth certificate required to apply to make payment through baby's medisave ($150) for PCV. Baby's CDA ATM card (and of course memorise the pin number) required to make payment of $90 for rotavirus if you prefer to use baby' CDA to pay. PCV and 5 in 1 may trigger fever anytime during the first two days. Polyclinic would give  a bottle of paracetamol and a syringe for you to bring home. Also, do not feed your baby half an hour before and after taking rotavirus in case she pukes out the medicine together with the milk.

Please see picture at end of page for the pricing of the various vaccinations.

Tip 1: photocopy baby's birth cert and place it inside the health booklet.

Jurong polyclinic 
1st month vaccination: 2nd dose of Hept B on right thigh

We arrived 30 minutes earlier than the allocated time (10.40am). Entered the main door and keyed in my bb's IC number to generate a queue ticket. My queue number flashed IMMEDIATELY at the counter. At the counter, after verifying identity using IC, birth cert and health booklet, we were given another ticket with room number stated and queue number. Went up to second floor and turned right and found the room.

There were 3 kinds of rooms. The first one to enter was to measure height and weight (room 15). Second room was to measure head circumference and take the Hept b vaccination (room 16). Third room was the doctor's room to check on child's development (room 12).

Note that in the second room, for the first visit, you would be asked to complete a checklist for your child's development (page 7 of healthbooklet). You would also have to decide if you wish to take rotavirus (optional vaccine, oral not injection) for the next appointment. 1st dose of Rotavirus MUST be taken before your child is 16 weeks. The nurse would then indicate on page 64 of the healthbooklet the time frame for the next vaccination. 

After seeing the doctor at the third room, we then went back to the second room (15mins after injection), so that the nurse could check that the bleeding has stopped. 

At the payment and appointment counter, the admin staff would refer to page 64 of the health booklet to arrange with you the date for the next appointment. We did not have to make any payment for the first visit as Hept b was free.

Tip 2: As the queue at the payment and appointment could be long, you might wish to take the queue number after your vaccination but before seeing doctor.
(You can just press the queue number machine at the counter, it is okay to miss the payment queue number since they don't know who pressed it, Hehe.)
So after you see the doctor, you would not have to wait so long to make payment. 

Tip 3: Be punctual but not too early for vaccination. According to a mummy, polyclinic computer system might arrange the "latecomers" to cut your queue for vaccination as they had missed the queue number and if you were not that far off from your allocated time.  Not sure it was because of the crowd that day or I had arrived too early, the waiting time for each room was long and we left only at 12.10pm.

Tip 4: Do your "homework" before going to polyclinic.  There is child development checklist on page 9 to be completed by parents for 3rd month before my next visit. I did it before going to the polyclinic second visit so the nurse simply stamped the date and she did not have to wait for me to do the checklist. (If you don't wish to do beforehand, I still suggest you to read through as the questions are tough!)

3rd month vaccination: 1st dose of rotavirus (oral), 1st dose of PCV (right thigh), 1st dose of 5 in 1 (left thigh)

We arrived 7 Minutes before the allocated time (10.20am). Keyed in baby's Ic number in the self-help machine (first machine in the left). Given the room number and queue number. Since this is the second visit, we need not go to the counter. We then proceed to level 2 room 15. We were glad that there were only a few people waiting outside the room and we waited about 10 minutes to enter the height and weight room.

In the second room, bb was first given the rotavirus orally using a syringe. Bb seemed to be rather happy with the taste. The nurse mentioned that it was okay even if baby puked a little milk as rotavirus tended to be absorbed quickly once swallowed. Also they took into account that baby might puke milk when determining the volume to be administered. 

I was told to hold the baby in a cradle hold position. I held my baby using my left arm and my left hand would grab bb's hand while my right grab her legs. After the first injection, you should quickly switch to cradle hold your baby using your right arm so that the nurse could administer the second injection on her right thigh. 

(It took me sometime to understand what the nurse was saying when she asked me to "turn the baby". So poor baby was crying for quite a while before I finally understood the nurse's instructions and cradle hold using my right arm before she could give the second injection. The "quite a while" was only perhaps 15 seconds but still heartpain...haha). 

We were given a bottle of paracetamol and a syringe. We were supposed to give baby paracetamol if she has fever (above 37.5 degree Celsius) every 6 hourly. If fever continues for more than 24 hours or a high fever (e.g. 39 degree Celsius), we would need to bring baby to hospital A&E. 

At the payment and appointment counter, we were given the choice of paying the PCV by cash or medisave. We chose medisave and had to show her birth cert (photocopied will do) and filled up a medisave form. We paid rotavirus using her CDA account with her ATM card. 

It was about 11.30am after we made the payment. We were scheduled for second dose of 5 in 1 and second dose of rotavirus in 1 month's time. I would be updating my blog on this.

Before heading home, we went to the pharmacy at level 1 to buy a clinical armpit thermometer at $5.10 (thermometers are kept at pharmacy cashier counter).

Tip 5: weight percentile are found on page 30 to 31. I used the chart to estimate the weight of my baby when buying diapers. As I stock up my goon diapers whenever there is promotion, I needed to determine if she could still fit into small size when she is fourth month old. The nurse mentioned that the baby's weight would most likely remain more or less on the same colour line. If there is a major change ie. The weight when plotted is on another colour line, then it is a cause for concern. 

(I was quite concerned when I was told her weight had become >25%tile when previously was 50%tile. But the nurse said that when plotted, her weight was very near the blue line I.e. 50%tile and it was not a cause for concern. If you refer to the graphs, they only have 3,10,25,50,75, 90,97% and the graphs are so close to each other and it is difficult to plot accurately! Perhaps, they should use a simple software instead of pen and ruler to estimate the percentile. Ok, I used to be a maths teacher...haha)

Click to see schedule of vaccination. When referring to the schedule, do take note that DTap, IPV and Hib together are considered 5 in 1 injection. Rotavirus is not shown on the schedule and it is an optional vaccination. First dose of rotavirus is in 3rd month (before week 16) and second dose in fourth month (before week 24). You can also find the schedule in page 55 of healthbooklet. 

Day 3 and 4 Not enough breastmilk

So happy that both Gynae and Pd said we were allowed to go home. Bb jaundice level was 142 but this was considered low for Day 3. Bb needed to go for jaundice check again on Day 6. Pd mentioned that jaundice normally would spike at Day 5.

Diaper check

I checked with the nurse the number of diapers used for Day 3. She said there were two soiled diapers which were also wet.

I thought, "One more wet diaper to go! Bb must be getting enough milk!"

Home sweet home

Latched for longer and longer

Bb started to latch for more than 25 minutes on each side. She was sucking and sucking and so I thought I had enough milk.

Nearing to midnight, I started to see some whitish things on her lips that looks like dried milk. I thought that meant that my milk had come.

However, Bb started to latch very long on one side and kept on sucking and sucking sometimes for more than 40minutes. I remember reading that we should always offer one side first in order to get the hind milk and also newborns might nurse for comfort. Hence, I thought that was quite normal and started to only offer 1 side everytime she woke up.

Sometimes she only latched on one side for 25 minutes and dozed off and I did not offer the other side. I thought that meant that she was full. I didn't know it was because she was too tired from all the sucking and her jaundice level was going up causing her to be more tired.

This was despite the fact that I knew jaundice babies sleep longer and needed to wake them up more frequently so breastfeed them. Somehow it didn't occur to me that bb's jaundice level mighy have gone up and I did not consider waking up Bb when she slept for almost four hours.

I thought babies would be smart enough to wake up if they were hungry and I was to latch on demand and not to watch the clock.

There was only one soiled diaper and no wet diaper on day 3 night. I didn't think much about it. I remember that babies had enough nutrients storage in their body to last them till day 4 and as long as I keep latching, I would have milk.

Day 4 Bb kept crying

She started to latch longer and longer but each time I only let her latched on one side. Sometimes after she unlatched, she would start crying. I thought she was just tired and my mother-in-law would carry her and coax her to sleep.

She started to latch more frequently and by evening time, the diaper was still dry and the diaper indicator did not change colour.

I thought perhaps the diapers were too absorptive. After all, I saw some whitish milk on her lips yesterday. Or perhaps, my milk supply would go up soon to meet her demand.

Finally, on day 4 night, I felt my right breast a little bit hard and there was 1 slightly wet diaper. My mother in law started to place tissue inside her diaper to see if there was any urine at all.

Bb began to cry continuously and could not be coax to sleep. My nipples were sore from the hours of latching.

Day 4 "pumping"

I began to sought for help online. I wrote online saying that I was producing breastmilk as I thought I saw her swallowing. I also stated wrote that baby was hungry despite frequent feeding. Many people asked me to continue to latch on. One of them told me to pump out my foremilk as I could have too much foremilk.

I tried to use the massage mode of my medela for first 2 minutes and saw there was practically no milk. After two minutes, it was the let down mode. Knowing that I wouldn't have "let down", I off it again and on it to stimulate more. My nipples brush against the flanges and I realised my flange were too small. I disregarded that and bear with the pain and continue to on and off every 2 minutes. After maybe 8 times of doing so, there was less than 5ml of some greyish diluted milk in the bottle.

Buying Formula Milk

I broke down and my hubby took cab at 4am to 24 hours NTUC to buy formula milk.

I felt so guilty, thinking that baby had been sucking nothing but air for hours.

Day 5 depression?

Day 5 morning, baby started to have wet diapers after drinking formula milk. But we finally realised her face appeared to be more yellowish. There were also streaks of pink in the urine.

I cried for the whole day and I couldn't sleep at all. I was too tired but couldn't sleep. I stopped breastfeeding for that day and I started to blame myself for everything including

- not producing enough breast milk
- did not buy formula milk
- not pumping earlier
- never wash and prepare my pumping accessories
- not knowing how heavy a wet diaper should be
- And began to think about previous bad memories including my miscarriage, my dad's stroke and other things. I felt unfortunate things would start to happen again.

Day 6 jaundice up, dehydration & hospitalised

We went to Pd and we were told that her jaundice level had shot up. We could choose between letting her stay in hospital or renting the equipment home. We chose to let her stay in hospital.

I also decided to let her take formula milk.
By day 5 morning, I finally could feel both my breasts becoming harder and I started to express out milk.  I decided to feed the baby with formula milk instead of sending my expressed milk to hospital as I knew I really needed to have proper rest.

Pd also mentioned that the streaks of pink meant Bb was dehydrated and dehydration could be one of the factors that cause jaundice to shoot up. We were giving only 30ml of formula milk and Pd mentioned that we were giving too little amount of formula milk.

During the two days, I started to express out my milk and store them in the fridge as chilled milk. I caught up with my sleep and pull myself together.

My reflections

I was sitting on a hard plastic chair and my vaginal stitches hurt badly. The new Aircon was not circulating the air and I was sweating even though I was practically naked. The red dates tea turned icy cold in the air con room but I still drank it. And the list goes on. Somehow I just "suffer in silence" and was dumb enough not to do anything about the two days.

Hormones and lack of sleep caused me to become too obssessed with breastfeeding. I didn't know how to take care of myself nor feel that I was a mum. I felt like a cow which had failed its most important duty of providing milk.

I did not realise I was tired and too stressed up. These have caused me to lose myself and fail totally as a mum. Not that I failed to provide breast milk but failed to notice that she was too hungry. I should have noticed the lack of wet diapers too.

On top of these, I should have been more prepared. Breastfeeding involves many things. Not just latch and expect milk would definitely be sufficient for the baby.

Rest, food and comfort for mother were the most important things. 

For food, I suggest green papaya soup with fish. I only started eating it in my 2nd week. I should have eaten from day 1. 

So here are my suggestions or rather these are the things I will do when having my second baby:

- Latch,  sleep and eat the moment you reached home.
Don't bother about unpacking things or taking care of the baby.
If you can't sleep, just close your eyes and rest on the bed.
Get your confinement lady and your hubby to change diapers and coax baby to sleep.
Just stay on the bed except for meals.
Scream for your hubby when baby wakes up. Stay on the bed and just wait for hubby to carry baby to your arms. Then get hubby to pour warm red date drink for you. (You may need a straw or a water bottle).

- Wear comfortable clothing for nursing. I thought I could just strip and nurse and don't spend money on nursing clothes. But stripping and wearing back takes time and you might catch a cold. There are actually cheap and comfortable tank tops, shirts or dress with padding. You can buy from uniqlo airism series ($19.90 to $29.90) or qoo ($10-$12).

- Don't just research and follow blindly! Do practicals with your HUBBY before giving birth.

1) Pour 4 to 6 tablespoons (60 to 90ml) of water on a diaper and weigh! Feel the weight and look at how the diaper indicator changes colour!

2) Put a scoop of formula milk, follow by volume of water indicated on the formula tin. Hot water: room temperature ratio 1: 2. Swirl to make sure the milk powder dissolves completely. Hold and grab the bottle in your hand or pour a few drops on your palm to know the suitable temperature.

3) Wash, sterilise and get ready your pumps! Learn to use and try out your sterilizer and warmer! You can try placing the milk in the fridge and see how long it takes to chill it and to warm it. Or simply use a warm water bath instead of warmer to warm up your chilled milk.

4) Do trial runs of picking up a baby from the cot to breastfeed, pulling down your clothes to breastfeed, latching, holding the baby in the same position for at least 40 minutes, burping the baby, swaddling the baby and placing the baby back into the cot. (Consider using a doll?) You should also consider where to place your red date tea and some snacks near your bed. (You may want to ensure your red date tea doesn't turn cold in air con room like mine)

I have attached a picture below of my "set -up" when breastfeeding baby. (The blue and pink mats are in case when baby pukes milk. If you look closer, I have also swaddle on the mat. This set up is for daytime and the long green pillow is  placed on my right if I latching on my right breast. So baby's neck would be on my right arm at my elbow and my elbow would be resting on the pillows. After latching and she falls asleep, I will place her directly infront of me on top of the swaddle and swaddle her. 

Finally, no matter how prepared you are there will be problems. And don't panic when baby cry. Take good care of yourself! Happy mummy = Happy baby! Don't try to be the perfect mummy. Remember your hormones can be controlling you, making you depressed! Stay cool and tell yourself you have done your best!

Reviews on My Brestfriend pillow

My Brestfriend Pillow

I used My Brestfriend Pillow to help to support the baby while breastfeeding in the hospital and at home for the first two weeks.

Pros
1) Allows newborn to lie down comfortably on a flat sturdy surface for baby to lie and breastfeed.

2) Position baby at the ideal height for breastfeeding. Mummy will have less tendancy to slouch and bend down to breastfeed the baby as the baby would be at the correct height afforded by the pillow.

3) Useful for newborns when their necks are still weak and FTM who can't hold newborn properly. With the support provided by the pillow, FTM can easily change from cross cradle when latching to cradle hold when breastfeeding.

4) Support weight and posture of baby, especially useful when nursing for long duration.

Cons
1)Very expensive

2) Very troublesome when I had to grab and clip on the pillow everytime. When she is crying for milk, every second is crucial! So I only used it for two weeks!

3) Difficult to tilt the pillow such that her head would be higher than her stomach to prevent reflux. The baby would be lying 180degrees when using my breastfriend pillow. I had to raise one of my legs ever so slightly to create a slope.

4) Require you to sit upright on a chair. I find it a struggle to use on the bed as I  have weak stomach muscle and can't really sit upright with legs straightened on the bed. Moreover, I had vaginal delivery so I had greater difficulty in sitting upright, as I had painful stitches at the vaginal area.

5) I needed to clip it on before I "scoop up" the baby. I find it difficult to bend down and "scoop up" my baby with a hard and bulging pillow at my waist. Usually, I needed the assistance of my husband or mother in law to help me "scoop up" the baby and placed her on My Brestfriend Pillow.

6) I usually cradle hold baby while breastfeeding and baby would fall asleep on My Brestfriend Pillow. I would then have to pull out my hand, unclip and place the pillow on the bed, carry my baby up again and place her into her co-sleeper cot. In the process, she sometimes would wake up.

Now I do not use any nursing pillow and I breastfeed on my bed. After she sleeps, I simply place her into co-sleeper cot and swaddle her. (I would be blogging on the Mini Arc Convertible Co-sleeper and how to breastfeed without nursing pillow).

Overall
I am still glad that I have bought the pillow. It is useful for newborns and first time mums.

But as I become more experienced in latching and baby's neck becoming stronger, I find it more convenient to sit on the bed to nurse without nursing pillow, without having to clip and unclip it, without having to sit in a upright position. Perhaps, I would use it again for the first few weeks if I have a second baby. But I would definitely use it when sitting on a comfortable sofa and have someone to help me unclip it so that I can easily transfer my baby into the co-sleeper cot.

Breastfeeding in Thomson Medical Centre including my views on rooming-in newborn

Episode 1: The First latch in the delivery room

The delivery nurse held the baby's head near my left breast while I held my left breast and used my nipple to tease baby's lower lips. Her mouth opened wide and the delivery nurse quickly helped me to latch her on. She then placed the baby on me and I cradled hold her. She started to suck and maybe in less than 5 minutes, she let go of my nipple or maybe my nipple slipped out of her mouth as I was not holding her properly). I told the nurse that I was done with the breastfeeding and the nurse placed the baby back into her "cot".

My reflections on my first latch

I was tired after the delivery and wanted to just let the baby had a feel of latching.

I guess I should have
1) Latched for a longer duration

2) Latched on both breasts

3) Allowed baby to rest on my body longer for more skin to skin contact

Before your milk comes in, you should latched both breasts, each side at least 15minutes. I only knew about this after the lactation consultant came on the next day.

Episode 2: Baby sleeping in nursery

My original plan was to get the baby to "room-in" with me in the ward as I read that co-sleeping would help the "milk to come faster". However, I wanted to have more rest and I was not confident enough to take care of the baby yet and so I decided to have the baby to sleep in the nursery. The nurses would push my baby to my ward every three hours or so for breastfeeding.

My views on baby "rooming-in"
vs leaving baby in nursery

For my second baby, I would want to let the baby "room-in" with me although it would mean

1) More tiring for me.

The "baby cot" comes with a clipboard which requires the nurse to note down the timing & duration of each breastfeeding session and the number of wet and soiled diapers. The nurses will also keep track of time and push baby in for breastfeeding every two three hours.

If rooming-in,  it means that I would have keep track of the time and  breastfeed at least every three hours. I would also have to check the diapers and change diapers. Most importantly, I would have to record these information on the clipboard.

2) Baby would have to be pushed back periodically for

bathe ? (I guess hospital do bathe the baby once daily?),

vaccinations and paediatricIan checkups
and maybe other things.

Well, I think for FTM, it is very stressful especially the monitoring of wet and soiled diapers and keeping track of time. However, for my second baby, I think it will be good to try. If I can't cope, then can always push the baby back to nursery? After all, tiredness and stress are milk killers!

I found this blog on room-in experience at Thomson. Do read up especially for first time mum!

Episode 3: Latching with the help of the nurses
       
Every two to three hours, the nurse would push in my baby to let me latch.

Some nurses were super nice. They offered to help me to latch and stayed for at least 10 minutes to help. They helped to wake my sleepy baby and came back 20 minutes later to check on us and push the baby back to nursery.

On the other hand, some nurses simply left immediately after baby latched on. Sometimes, the baby stopped latching and fell asleep the moment they left the room.

Some ways to wake a sleepy newborn
1) Unswaddle her

2) Dim the lights in the room (funny right but we tried and it works!)

3) If she latched on but not sucking, try to do breast compression

I found this link on waking up sleepy baby and some useful tips about breastfeeding newborns. FTM, do read up!

Episode 4: The Lactation Consultant visit

I gave birth at around 1pm on a Sunday. They did not have lactation consultants around on Sundays. So the lactation consultant came on Monday morning.

I told her that I was unsure my breasts were already producing colostrum and she told me to hand express to check. I wasn't sure how to do it so she hand-expressed my breast to check if I was producing colostrum.

I was so happy when the lactation consultant told me that my baby was latching well and I was producing colostrum for her.

How to do hand express

To hand express: simply place your thumb and two fingers on opposite ends of the areola (e.g. 12 o'clock and six o'clock) and PUSH IN, follow by "rolling forward" to squeeze the aerola.

I found this link on hand expressing breast milk very informative. 

By the way, note that hand express techniques is a life saver during engorgement! And if you plan to fully latch during the first few months, make sure you learn how to do hand express before your baby starts to sleep through the night (STTN).

My reflections on the lactation consultant visit

1) Glad that she show me how to do hand express. Although I read up on how to do hand express, the best learning is still hands on practical.

2) I did cradle hold to latch on the baby. She taught me to use cross cradle to latch and then change to cradle hold after latching. (See my blog on latching and breastfeeding newborn)

3) I did not bring my medela breastpump to the hospital. I did research on breast flange and I thought the flange was correct size. I regretted that I did not get the lactation consultant check to see if they were correct size. I actually upsized from 24mm (default size) to 27mm and finally to 30mm! (Had bruise nipples and spent so much money.)

Overall reflections

I enjoyed my breastfeeding experience at Thomson. At the hospital, I thought taking care of a newborn was easy as I simply latched & burped her and then "send her back to nursery" after I latched her. However, she could still be crying and asking for more milk when she was at the nursery. And this, I wouldn't know.

When I went home, I realised that baby continued crying after I latched her 15mins on each side and I had difficulty coaxing her to sleep. At that time, I didn't know she cried because she was still hungry. Perhaps, if I had latched her longer at the hospital and also asked for her to room-in with me, my milk supply would be more.

Also, I should have at least try to pump once or twice at the hospital and ask the lactation consultant if I was usong the right size of flange.

Before giving birth, I read that milk would definitely come by Day 4 and baby would have enough "storage" in her body to wait for the "milk to come" . And that to know whether you are producing sufficient milk, you can count the number of wet diapers and see if baby is swallowing. However, as a FTM, I didn't know how to see if baby was swallowing, how heavy was a wet diaper supposed to be and how to use a breastpump. By Day 4, my baby became dehydrated and I used the "undersized- flange" breastpump wrongly. My nipples was bleeding. Realizing my baby had been "sucking nothing" for hours,  I felt so guilty and almost went into post-natal depression.

Do look forward to my blog on what happened on Day 3 and Day 4 when we went home.

Latching and breastfeeding a newborn

I found a super good video on breastfeeding! Click on the link below before reading my blog. How I wish I had found this video before I gave birth!

Suggested Steps to Breastfeed a Newborn

To breastfeed a baby, it is easier to use the Cross-Cradle method to Latch the baby as our hand supports the baby's neck and push the head into our breast.
(You may wish to see this website for illustration of what is a cross-cradle (fig. 3). I find this website very informative.)

Follow step 1 to 6 to latch a baby on the LEFT breast.

1) Have your baby lying sideway on a pillow and her head near your LEFT breast and her body very close to you. (I used my brestfriend pillow for the first two weeks.)

2) Hold the baby's head & neck using your RIGHT hand.

3) Imagine your breast as a burger. When grabbing a burger, we usually pinch the burger with our four fingers on top and thumb below it. 

4) Similarly, using your LEFT hand, grab your LEFT breast like the way you grab a burger. But your thumb is to be on top and four fingers below. Make sure your fingers are away from aerola. 

5) Grab your breast to direct your nipple to tease her lower lips.

6) Wait till she opened her mouth big. Use your right hand to quickly PUSH her head to latch on the nipple.
(Move your baby's head so as to eat "Burger". Do not bend and feed your Burger to the baby as you will end up straining your neck or slouching for at least the next 15 minutes.)

Make sure it is a deep latch by checking if her mouth covered most of your aerola.

Follow step 7 (cradle hold) to breastfeed the baby.  (Fig 1 of the same website)

7) Once she latches on correctly, your left hand can then let go of your left breast. Then slide your left arm under her body such that her neck rests on your left elbow in a cradle hold position.

Why are there so many steps ?

Most people will use the cradle hold for breastfeeding a newborn. A cradle hold supports the baby's neck at your ELBOW. 

However, during latching, newborn has difficulty "aiming". Cradle hold is difficult to latch as you need to use your ELBOW to direct her to your nipple.

It is easier to support the baby's head and neck with your right PALM and push the baby's head to latch on left breast while your left hand holds your left breast . This is known as cross-cradle (steps 1 to 6).

After which, change your hands to cradle hold position by having your left hand letting go of your breast and sliding under baby's body such that your left elbow is supporting her neck. Changing to cradle hold is necessary as it is more comfortable for yourself and baby (step 7).

Most IMPORTANT Rule about breastfeeding

Make yourself comfortable! Have nursing pillow or normal pillows to help you.

Other Tips
1) Practice makes perfect. Use a doll to practice before giving birth.

2) Massage your breasts before latching.

3) Have a water bottle near u. (I have two, one on each side)

4) Have the remote control for air conditioner and fan beside you.

5) Wear clothing which are suitable for nursing. I wear shirts that comes with padding. I simply pull down one side to nurse.

6) Nothing beats having an experienced person to teach you how to latch and also to check on your latching. The nurses in Thomson Medical Centre were very helpful and a lactation consultant will check on your latching (first time free at Thomson).

Look out for my blog on my first breastfeeding experience at Thomson Medical Centre!

First time mum breastfeeding journey

3.30am in the morning. Feeling emotional yet blissful lying on the bed with my hubby sleeping soundly on my left and my little 68 days old princess making kittens sounds in her dreams sleeping on my right in the tiny co-sleeper cot.

I have just woke up half an hour ago. Was it due to discomfort of my engorged breasts or the sound of her super strong legs kicking the cot?

Now I am ready to go back to sleep with an emptied left breast (shiok ah but poor right breast has to wait for another 2 hours for her turn). I have completed my tasks of sneaking to the toilet for a quick pee, quenching my thirst (breastfeeding is a super thirsty job), changing my princess diaper (whew, she didn't pee in the cot during the process), breastfeeding her, placing her into her cot and swaddled her, all within 30minutes.

Well done, FTM (first time mum). I am ready to go back to sleep. But I feel so proud and full of happiness so can't sleep!

As I count my blessings, I also reflect and ask myself how my breastfeeding journey has evolved over the last 68 days.

- Day 1 Holding a beautiful princess in my arms as I first latched her in the delivery room at Thomson Medical Centre

- Day 4 A crying hungry baby, bleeding nipples and less than 5ml of super diluted grayish expressed transition milk

- Day 5 Having a pair of swollen eyes and totally worn out body after crying hysterically for 5 hours

- Day 6 Feeling full of guilt because my dehydrated jaundice baby was staying in hospital

- Day 8 to Day 28, Bottle feeding her with expressed breast milk and supplementing with formula, with occasional latching

- Day 29 onwards fully latched baby

This blog is to record and share my breastfeeding journey from Day 1 to Day 68.

I would also include
- steps on how to breastfeed a newborn,
- breastfeeding experience after delivering at Thomson Medical Centre
- breastfeeding easily without nursing pillows,
- reviews on My Brestfriend Pillow and mini convertible co-sleeper cot,
- Breastfeeding clothes suitable to wear at home or outside (less than $12)

Our Ideal House (Our theme and colours)

The feeling, the thoughts, the Experience, and the Enjoyment!!!

Renovation is full of excitement, fun and anticipation from the time when you begin to fantasize about it, and eventually the design becomes a drawing, and finally the actual product! Your Ideal House!

An ideal house is not the most beautiful house or the most classy house but it is the house that you really want.

Your house may look plain or impractical to other people, but as long as it is what you had always wanted, then it is your ideal house.

And of course it is tiring as you have to monitor the process, frustration when things are behind schedule, disappointment when things do not turn out as nice as you had wanted, and even anger when you see that your parquet flooring has been damaged by your carpenter.

Our theme

We didn't really have a theme initially. We know there were comtemporary, elegance, zen, oriental themes etc. But none of them really suit us. Well, hubby and I are not really sophisticated people and don't really wish to spend alot of money on the renovation. But yet, we wanted to have something special and unique about our house - something really makes the house feels like our love nest.

Pooh Bear looking so cute and happy!

We have a Winnie the Pooh Bear at home. It is cute and it always look so happy. Both of us love this Pooh bear very much. Overtime this Pooh has became part of our family. Meanwhile, Hubby found on facebook a 3D design of a living room with feature wall being Winnie the Pooh Head and the furniture colour theme of red and white. I find the idea very unique as most feature walls are usually rectangular in shape. So we started from this concept of having Winnie the pooh's head as our feature wall.

With Winnie the Pooh feature wall as the main focus of the living room, the rest of the furniture including colour of the wall must complement it. By using Floorplanner.com, I changed the feature wall to yellow and the rest of the furniture to red and white. Hubby then suggested green for the wall colour.

With these, my ID then drew out a 3D design of our living room.

Designs for the rest of the house

Our ID showed us some picture of the kitchen and we decided to take one of the "standard template" as our design for the kitchen.

The first design was supposed to be more modern. But I don't really like it. I prefer more cozy kind and I suggested purple.

The first design

My preferred design

Some of my friends and relatives said they also had the same purple colour scheme for their master bedroom. Perhaps it is the more cozy and romantic colour? I think I made the right choice.

1st Day: Getting the Keys!!! HDB BTO

On 18 June 2013,

We finally received the keys to our new house. Our "ceremony" was simply to say "House owners are here. Other things please go away!" We then entered the house.
(We should have brought pineapple to roll on the floor. We did so only on the day we "officially" moved in.)

I suggest to bring the following items on your first day:

1. Fan
2. A chair/ stool
3. Toilet rolls
4. Masking tapes
5. Measuring tapes
6. Phone charger or anything that you can use test if the power sockets are working
7. Marbles? (to test hollow tiles and floor evenness)
8. Photocopies of your floorplan (to indicate the actual measurements)
9. A Number Lock (Important!!! so that HDB contractor can access your house to rectify the defects)
10. A camera phone
11. water/ thinner/ tissue/ rags (to attempt to remove any stains on the floor. There were brownish stains everywhere on our living room tiles. We got the HDB contractor to do chemical cleaning for us.)

Making ourselves comfortable

First thing to do: Open the mailbox! The "key" to turn on the water supply is found in the mailbox.

We had a hard time trying to turn on the water supply even with the "key". Our ID helped us to borrow a screw driver to unscrew a cap and then use the "key". I have no idea how to on the water supply.

Next: Check for any defects.

HDB will issue you a document to report your defects (HDB defect list) and the HDB contractors will then rectify based on the HDB defect list. Note that you can subsequently submit additional HDB defect list if you find additional things to report. We created our own checklist so that we would not miss out anything. 

Page 1 of our own checklist

Page 2 of our own checklist

Place masking tapes near the defect so that the HDB contractor can easily identify them. If there are too many defects on the parquet floor, you may wish to talk to them and get them to repolish the whole room again. Rather than trying to put masking tape everywhere.

Take photos of where you have placed your masking tapes so that you can  compare after HDB contractors have rectified your defects. 

Masking tapes everywhere

After hours of checking and putting masking tapes, we tried to summarise and write down the defects we had on the HDB defect list and went down to the BSC (Building Service Centre) located at the void deck of our neighbouring block.
( BSC is a temporary (think 1 year) office set up by the HDB contractors.)

At BSC, we submitted the defect list and indicated the number of our number lock. (If you do not have a number lock, you may have to come down to open the door for the HDB contractors when they come down to rectify your defects). It happened that the supervisor was also around that day so we brought him up to our unit to explain our defects.

In our case, the HDB contractors were very efficient. They took less than 1 week to rectify all the defects.

Last step (if you still got energy): Take measurements of everything and indicate on your photocopied floorplan.

You will need this measurements so that

1) You can buy furniture of the correct size:

     - space for sofa

     - space for your bedframe including your bedside table
        (take note positioning of socket plugs near your bed may affect the positioning of your bedsize table/
         the size of your bed)

     - space for your dining table

     - space for bomb shelter shelves.

     - the window frames (length x height) in order to give the estimated measurements when you ask for
        quotation for curtains/ blinds

     - space for fridge (this depends on how big is the kerb that you are making for the fridge.)

     - space for your washing machine/dryer. In our case, the laundry hanging device when retracted does not 

        allow us to stack up the dryer on top of the washing machine.

measuring the height to place washing machine and dryer

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2) Compare the actual measurements with the quotation of the measurements given by your ID. Also compare the actual measurements with the final invoice given by your ID. The quotations by your ID are based on floorplan and will not be the same as the actual measurements. Any difference in measurements means a difference in the price you are paying. 

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3) You may also wish to indicate all the powerpoints and light points on your floorplan. Consider whether you need any additional powerpoints, or relocate any powerpoints. Your dining light is supposed to be directly on top of your dining table. Your living room light is supposed to be directly on top of your coffee table. 

In our case, I forgotten that we have a light point in our service yard and did not buy enough "hamburger" lights. We shifted the dining light point slightly but we did not shift the living room light although it was a little off position. 

In our case, there are 2 light points in each toilet. 1 is the usual ceiling light point to put your bulb or "hamburger" light. The other is hidden inside the "grille" used to hide your water pipes.

LED strips created "Hotel romance" in the toilet. 

Note that any fixing of light, additional light point, relocation of light point, relocation of power socket, TV point, eternet point will be added under electrical charges in your quotation. 

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Sourcing for Interior Designer and Ideas for Renovation

• RenoNation.sg: 
  
  Website offering free quotation of various Singapore ID companies. Note that most ID companies will prefer to meet up and have a discussion than simply emailing you their quotation. 

• Find IDs companies on  Facebook
  
  We got some of the ideas from the photos posted by the ID companies.

• Joining BTO Project Facebook Page
  
  One of our BTO residents set up a group page. Some of the flats have gotten their keys and they provided alot of insightful ideas, help and technical knowledge to us.

• Floorplanner.com
  
  I used this software and drew the floorplan so that I could imagine the wall colours and the positioning of the furniture. This software is able to give you the 3D image from the 2D floorplan you have drawn.

Getting a Maid for Elderly

All my siblings are married and my parents are staying alone. Dad was hospitalized the third time. First two times were because of strokes and the third time was because he fell down.

The hospital suggested that we should get a maid. 

We got a Myanmar maid.

COST of a Maid

Agency fee costs $1100. The maid would be getting a loan of $2660 from us to come over to Singapore. This amount would be deducted from her monthly salary of $400 and 4 off-days compensation of $15.40 per day. 

However, as the maid needs to have some money with her to call home or buy daily necessities, we will be giving her $31.60 per month. She will be getting her full salary 7 months from her date of employment.

There is also a monthly levy to be paid to the government via Giro. As Dad is above 65 years old, we need to pay only $120 under the FDW concession. (See Ministry of manpower; Maid Levy). The amount will be deducted through the employer bank account vis GIRO. We applied for the FDW concession through the maid agency.

I also applied for the Foreign Domestic worker Grant. (Note the difference!!!) As Dad is suffering from dementia and is unable to perform some of the daily tasks (e.g. bathing, walking) on his own, the Centre for Enabled Learning (CEL) actually "reimburse" or "subsidize" us $120 per month. (i.e. we pay $120 vis Giro to Ministry of Manpower and CEL pay us $120 as a grant.) (See Information on Foreign Domestic Grant).

However, note that the Foreign Domestic worker Grant requires the maid to undergo a CEL certified training course and that course costs about $100-$200 which the government also has a grant of $200 per annum. Luckily, Dad was transferred to Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital which is CEL certified and they conducted a 2 days training course for my maid. So I don't have to send my maid for a separate training. There is also a functional assessment form to be filled up by the doctor before Dad is being discharged.

Procedures

• Choosing a maid Click to search for maid

The link allows you to search for your ideal maid from various maid agencies.  Please do not tick too many criteria otherwise you may not get any results.

You can click your preferred maid to find out more.  The Bio-data is quite complete and interesting. 

You can of course get the agency to help you short-list the maid. 

Types of maids: There are New Maids, Maids (Nursing trained), Ex-Singapore Maids and Transferred maid (already in Singapore now, waiting for new employer). New Maids being the cheapest. If you are in a hurry to get a maid, you may wish to get a Transferred Maid.  

We chose a new maid. It took us about 1 month to get the maid. See below for the timeline.

• Employer and Sponsor

My mum is considered to be the employer since the employer must be staying in the registered address of the maid. However, if the employer is not working, a "sponsor" (guarantor) is required. My brother would be the guarantor. 

• Documents required include: 

1. The ICs of my dad, the employer (my mum), sponsor (my brother) 
2. The birth certificates of the sponsor (think to prove the relationship that he is the son)
3. Past 3 months salary of sponsor and his spouse 

You may also need to provide the sponsor's occupation (where and what does he do), sponsor's spouse Full name, NRIC, DOB. 

• Applying for work permit

To apply for the work permit for a maid (foreign domestic worker), employer would have to complete a e-learning. 

Click here for information regarding the e-learning

Strangely, the website is actually Singapore poly website. You would need to register first. After 2 days, a mail will be sent to you and you will then have to complete a long e-learning. 

• Other things to take note:

1. Do check with the agency whether they allow maid replacements and how much it cost. In the event of terminating the maid, what is the procedure and how much it cost. 
2. You may wish to have a telephone interview with the maid.

• Duration?  The Timeline

• 12 March (Tue): Went down the maid agency to find out the pricing etc.
• 13th March (Wed): Emailed the agency to confirm our selection of the maid
• 16th March (Sat): Employer and Sponsor to sign agreements. (Saturday because my brother was only free on that day)
• 17th March to 23rd March: E-learning and submitting pending documents to agency etc. 
• 26th March: Agency submitted the application for work permit
• 30th March: MOM approved the work permit. Agency called to confirm that we would be getting the maid on 9 April.
• 5th - 8th April: Agency sent Maid for health checks and in house 1 day training.
• 9 April: Go down maid agency to pay the $2660 Loan, employer to sign formal contract and collect maid.

So in total, it took us about 1 month to get the maid!!!

After the maid arrives...Procedures

• Getting the maid trained 

As mentioned earlier, the Ang Mo Kio Community Hospital actually helps to train the maid in physiotherapy and other daily needs like transferring him onto a taxi, bathing etc. Our maid could not understand instructions in English but luckily there were nurses from Myanmar who can be our translators.

• Calling back home...Myanmar

We bought a M1 1818 overseas call card for her. It costs $9 each but the call duration is only 23 minutes if calling to Myanmar.

To call, dial 1818 using any phones, followed by "1" for English. Then key in the code number indicated on the card, followed by "#" key. Then key in "95" for Myanmar and "9" if the Myanmar's side is a handphone, finally the contact number and the "#" key. It may take some time before you can hear a dialing tone. 

• Maid interview by MOM (for new maids only)

About 1 month after my maid arrives, we received a letter from MOM. The maid is required to go to Ministry of Manpower Services (at Potong Pasir) for a 30 minutes interview. The purpose of the interview is to ensure that she has adapted well to the new environment. 

• Health check-ups (every 6 months)

It was mentioned by the maid agency that we will have to bring the maid for health check-up every 6 months. Most of the clinics provide such services.

The Perfect Marriage - Love is Everything

"Wo Hen Xin Fu" is the msn nick that I used when we got together.

8 years into our relationship and 1 year into our marriage, I would like to declare "Wo Geng Xin Fu Le". This blog will be an online diary for me to remind myself how "Xin Fu" I am to have him with me , to marry him, to be able to see him everyday.

When I told a colleague that I was getting married, she said, "Welcome to the club! I believe women become mature only after they got married". I didn't understand what she meant then. Well, as our love matures, I also become more mature too.

Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.'
Mature love says ' I need you because I love you'- Erich Fromm

"A successful marriage requires falling in love many times,                                 always with the same person"- Migon McLaughlin.'

After I got married, I became more in love with him. Especially after the things we went through. The way he was so caring towards my dad (who had stroke last year), the first time he cried infront of me when I said I would never be happy again (after I had a miscarriage), when he said he wished that I just have to play the game "Hay Day" everyday and don't work because I looked so happy (after I resign from teaching).

"Love is not only something you feel, it is something you do"
- David Wilkerson

Before marriage, I told him it would not matter if we could not have kids in future, we could adopt one - That was a lie. I love kids!!! I wish to have my own kids and I believed I would love my kids more that anything in my life including him.

However, he said he would love me more than our kids and I am everything to him.

After the miscarriage, he cried when I told him I would never be happy again. But when I saw his tears, I thought back and realized, why did I get married?  I wanted the "Happily ever after" with him and not because I wanted to legally have babies!!!

He taught me that when you love someone, you want nothing more than for her to be truly happy.

I realized "I forgotten" about him... about how much I love him... more than anything else and that I needed to get myself out of the misery of losing the child.

I want to be happy from now on, to smile for him, to live for him and to love him more everyday. The meaning of life is to be with him. To be happy so that he will be happy.

"The best thing to hold onto in life is each other"
 - Audrey Hepburn.

"We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone - we find it with another".

I enjoy doing everything with him - "Rotting on the bed", Watching the same dvd for the 5th time, going out for a date, sight-seeing with him, learning photography from him, doing stupid things together with him.

When you are in love, you always want to be together, stick to each other every moment. Well, my friend asked me whether I am more sticky to him or he is more sticky to me... I couldn't answer that.

"Love is being stupid together" - Paul Valery

"I love being married. It's so great to find that one person you want to annoy for the rest of your life."- Rita Rudner

We never really quarrel before... Why??? He is very sensitive towards my feelings and I communicate to him whenever I am not happy with anything. We are such a perfect couple. 8 years into our relationship and still enjoying honeymoon everyday.

Although after marriage and staying together, you get to see the flaws of each other. But when you are in love, you know that he will accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

"We waste time looking for the perfect lover, instead of creating the perfect love"

 - Tom Robbins

Why marry? Because you get to care for each other everyday, in every single way. When two become one, when you make decisions together and share your life together. 

There are hundred and one definitions of what is love. 

I fully agree with this one:

"Ultimately love is everything"- M. Scott Peck