I am falling head over heels with my 18-month-old toddler

I am falling head over heels with you darling.

As you shower me with so much kisses and hugs everyday.

As you constantly smile at me and laugh with me over the silliest thing.

Every morning, the first thing you do is to "koala bear" hug me.

In the middle of the night, I stay awake to admire your beautiful face while you will wrap your tiny arm around my neck.

You drop all your toys and run towards me to hug me the moment when you see me.

My phone memory keep getting full as I record thousands of your cute videos and photos.

I am constantly thinking about you, buying your favourite food, clothes and toys, showering you with love.

I love you baby. I love you my 18-month-old cutie pie, 18-month-old beautiful toddler.

From your mummy who will always love you more and more each day.

Stop worrying direct latch breastfeeding mummy!

I used to always worry about her not getting enough milk too. I think as a Mum it is natural for you to keep worrying whether she is direct latch or on bottle.

I know two mummies who each have two babies. Firstborn bottle feed but slightly below average size. Their Second baby direct latch super Big chubby baby.

As a FTM, I am constantly worried about my baby's weight even until now she is mainly on solids.

I worry whether she has sufficient milk from direct latch:
-when her percentile gradually dropped from newborn of 75 percentile to now maintain at above 25 percentile,
- when she fuss at breast
- when my mil says her thighs super skinny bcos i drink too much water
- when my period returns
- when she stop STTN and keep waking up to latch

However, I try to constantly remind myself that every baby is different, some are just smaller size and that my baby is very active. If they are hungry or discomfort, they will just wake up more frequently to nurse. As long as there is no sudden major drop in weight percentile or diapers too few and that my baby is meeting the milestones, I should always believe in my child and myself.

A letter to myself as a FTM

Mummy, u are doing well! Stop blaming yourself for her eczema, her constipation, her cold or everytime she knocks her head while crawling.

Mummy, stop being a perfectionist and wish to stick to one standard way or any theory of upbringing a child. There are traditional ways, there are theories, there are research, there are 101 creams for eczema be it steroid or non-steroid. There are 101 ways of feeding a child solid food be it traditional porridge or blw. Depending on circumstances, every child will be "best" suit for different method at every different stage. Be open minded, there is no best method actually, babies will grow up somehow. Help her to make the "best" decision everyday every moment and believe it is the best because to her, you are her best mum and you are the best. Trust yourself, Trust her! Be confident in whatever method you choose. Give yourself and her sometime to try but be flexible to change.

You are learning too. There is no perfect solution to upbringing of a child. It is trial and error. There is no "if". If someone tells you that you have done wrongly, don't blame yourself. There is no right or wrong. Depending on the circumstances, you have made the "best" decision and you know it.

She is your priority but you need to always maintain a balance too. You need
your sleep so that you can help her make the "best" decision. You need your own time and time to reflect and remind yourself you have done well.

Just like breastfeeding, you managed to breastfeed her almost 9 months. You know that she has grown well bcos of your milk. Stop questioning yourself over this or any other things as you can't have "if". Maybe you will do a different way for your second child. But for this, stop regretting. You know you have tried to make the best decision and you are a First Time Mum and you have done well. There is nothing to compare.

You have done well bcos you are her Mum.

4.5 month to 5th month baby cranky.

Just when I thought i managed to pass through all major obstacles (wonder weeks, growth spurt and sleep regression), bb started to be cranky again.

At 4.5month, U are drooling, your whole hand full of saliva and biting toys and our shoulders. You nursed for more than 45mins but woke up rubbing your ears when I put you on bed. A few days later, you refused to be nursed and arched your back and cried loudly. You woke up crying loudly during naps. You were cranky. I thought u were teething. But after waiting for two weeks plus, almost three weeks, you drooled lesser but still continued to put your hand in your mouth. But still, no visible signs of any tooth growing.

Thinking that you were teething, i gave you the teether, at times it seems to work. You nursed peacefully after playing with the teether for 15 mins. Or is it because you were not hungry or you were just too tired? So after 15 mins later, you succumbed to my breast.

Sometimes, i had to rely on the kokadi baby carrier to babywear you to sleep. Quite a few times it seems to work.

In short, your routine is all gone! You refused to nap at times despite super tired. Sometimes i thought is because i brought you out that's why you were overstimulated. But sometimes we were at home, the whole day, and you still refuse to nap and become cranky.

At night, you latched very long and on both sides. You been sleeping better at night compared to the 3rd month. But would cry or lift up your legs repeatedly in the middle of the night and then dozed off back to sleep.

Well, or is this still the four month sleep regression? Last week, you were quite okay already... haiz...i thought the four month sleep regression is over? And you almost coming to 5th month... but they say the fourth moNth sleep regression can be from 3.5th month to 5th month. Except for about two weeks of peacefulness, most of the days from 3.5month till now 5th month 1week, you seem to be rather cranky.

Well, but you starting to smile and laugh and play alot. It seems that you have your own personality now and trying to learn to express yourself by crying out loudly. (Wonder week said that you kNow how to refuse breast! Yes you do but can you do it in a more gentle way instead of screaming? Okay, i'm scared liao so i learnt my lesson and try not to insist you nursed. But sometimes, i'm just so scared that you would be hungry or too tired. And to confess, mummy is tired at times and wish that you can quicky doze off the way you used to. )

And perhaps, you are learning how to soothe yourself to sleep. You seem to become a light sleeper. (Well, the 4th month sleep regression said you trying to change from infant sleep pattern to adult way and also will nap less. We adults also flip and toss while we sleep, and some adults also talk in their sleep. So maybe that's why you sometimes will wake up in the middle of the night. Perhaps, you really don't need so much naps already and i shouldn't force you.)

Well well, mummy is always trying to guess what is wrong, with the hope that knowing it is phase only or anything i can do to help you.  Guess many mummies are facing the same issue.

Anyway, mummy loves you. And that when you were cranky, daddy would help out by carrying you or hold you little hand while i nursed you. It makes me love your daddy even more.

Oh btw, today is 5th month 1 week (22.5th week). And your new wonder week begins! Faint! Haha.

After writing my blog, i saw this article being shared on facebook! It explains why bb is cranky!

Why I choose kokadi (kkd)

I joined the babywearing singapore Facebook and I realised the popular brands for soft structured carrier are Tula, kokadi flip, ergobaby, Manduca and Boba 4G.

You may wish to click this link for a comparison of Kokadi Flip, Manduca and Tula.

And this link for comparison for Manduca, Tula and Boba 3G. (Note that I think this Singapore retail shop sells kkd wrap but not kkd flip!)

This link is for comparison for Tula, Boba 4G, ergobaby and babybjorn.

I already had a sg50 sling and a hand- down babybjorn.

Review of SG50 sling
SG50 is a sling and it keeps moving on my shoulder. Moreover, it is more suitable for bigger sized parents and babies. I already tried to reduce the strap length to the shortest length but it was still very loose. Baby could slip out if I never pull enough cloth under her buttock. This is a useful YouTube on how to wear SG50 sling. I used my SG50 sling maybe 5 times but always adjusting and adjusting the cloth. I also hated to have to carry baby over the shoulder in order to wear SG50 sling.

Review of old version babybjorn
I think my babybjorn is the older version that is not ergonomic. Plus it can be used only when baby is at least 6 kg. And I hated (once again) I had to carry baby high up and slot her legs into the holes in order to wear her. And most importantly, my baby seemed to hate it because everytime we put her in, she would cry! ( Ok, maybe I was too violent when struggling to make her legs go into the holes or she was not in the right mood?)

Why I choose soft structured carrier (SSD)

- Very easy to use.

My friend showed me how she wore her Tula, kkd and Manduca and I was shocked at how easy they were compared to my SG50 sling and babybjorn:

1) Clip the big buckle to your waist (like how you wear a belt and then twist the carrier to your back)
2) Sit down on a chair or sofa or bed with the "hanging cloth" on your lap
3) place baby lying face up on top of the cloth on your lap
4) wear the two straps up like how you wear a haversack bag (imagine front carry a haversackbag)
5) click the upper security clip located below the back of your neck so that the two straps don't move.

- light and can be rolled up and kept in the diaper bag

Why I choose kkd flip?

1) Kkd flip is thin and airy so suitable for our horrible hot Singapore weather. Most importantly, it doesn't need a infant insert. Most people would start to babywear perhaps after baby about two months old and baby would be like 4 to 5kg and legs are not long enough for most carrier if without insert.

2) The web width is adjustable to fit baby from newborn (3.5kg) and hence it doesn't need an infant insert. Web width is the part where determines the spread of your baby legs.

(See picture below. The 40cm ruler shows that the maximum web width is about 42cm. You can easily adjust the size of the web width according to the size of your baby so that your baby is seated knee to knee.)

3) The shoulder straps are adjustable such that it is suitable for short people like me (1.52m) and tall guys like hubby (1.76m). For thin girls (not me, sob), you will be glad to know that the length of waist clip can be adjusted and suitable for 22 to 42 inches.

You may wish to look at item 9 of the FAQs of fluffmail for the detailed specifications.

4)It can also be used for breastfeeding. My first attempt at home to try to breastfeed using kkd was a failure as I couldn't adjust it low enough. Next time round, I shall try to loosen the waist belt so that I can lower it further.

(It was only my second time wearing kkd and Baby fell asleep in the kkd and woke up feeling super hungry. So I was super clumsy and unfamiliar with the straps. I went to lower both sides instead of only the side I was supposed to latch and I was sitting on my bed...)

You may wish to click this link stating the instructions on how to breastfeed with a carrier.

Things I dislike about kkd flip
1) I think there are no retail shop in Singapore selling kkd flip. So I couldn't try! Lucky, I got a friend willing to let me try hers. But still, I didn't dare to adjust her "default" settings she already adjusted for herself and her baby. And I was afraid that if I buy online, I don't know how to adjust correctly. But I am glad that kkd flip comes with a detailed clear manual!

Note that there is one shop at bishan selling kkd wrap but kkd flip and kkd wrap are different!

You may wish to join the Singapore babywearing facebook group and attend their gatherings to try out kkd flip!

2) I feel that the height of the panel is abit short at 34cm. My girl is tall. It is stated that kkd flip can withstand baby weight until baby is about 18 months, 15kg. I realised other carriers like Manduca can withstand until 20kg.

3) The security back clip can be abit difficult to fasten. Ok, my hubby doesn't have a problem with that. My hands are short and not flexible to reach it at times. I been practicing and getting the hang out of it. But not to worry too much about this as there are ways to overcome this small problem.

Review of seller fluff mail
I ordered kkd flip through fluff mail using credit card at 11am on Monday. I chose the Mr Wunderland at $259 and the drool pads (strap protector) at $28. I received confirmation email and payment email immediately.

At about 11.15am(!!!), I received two SMS stating that it would be delivered between 6pm to 10pm on the same day. The first SMS was a computer generated SMS which provided the tracking URL. When clicked, it showed the name, contact number and even a picture of the delivery guy and status of the delivery! The second SMS was sent by fluff mail staff asking if anybody would be at home. I failed to notice the second SMS and I did not reply. At 12plus, another SMS came asking me to confirm if there would be anyone at home to receive the kkd and that if there isn't, they would be happy to rearrange another date for me. I quickly replied the SMS and fluff mail replied "Great, we will proceed with the delivery. Happy babywearing!". At 5pm, I received my kkd carrier and the drool pads.

In short, super happy with their service - efficient and polite.

Wonder week 15th to 16th week? 4th month sleep regression? 3rd month growth spurt? Changing to Graco baby cot?

Been looking forward to this wonder week!

It felt tiring but exciting at the same time!

This wonder week started off with Bb refusing to be carried in cradle hold position when we tried to coax her to sleep. She would shout and struggle to pull herself up.

She smiled alot whenever we played with her but could start wailing the next moment.

She refused to take naps although she looked tired. She also fussed alot at the breasts, perhaps she was too tired. She also latched for more than an hour at times.

Her eyes brightened up and she smiled at times when I showed her the toys. She could hold and play with her cubic toy (see picture at bottom of page). Her hands would grab any cloth materials near her eg. Swaddle, hankerchief, bib, diaper mat, waterproof sleeping mat and also the rails of her rocker.

She started to react and turn towards to the source of sound e.g. the rattle or when we talked to her. But her "sense of direction" was still not that good. She would react but it took her quite some time to turn towards the source of the sound.

She watched my actions such as when I was drinking water or using the keys to open the door. Everything seemed to be very interesting to her. 

At night, she tossed and turned her head from left to right, followed by lifting her legs and slammed them down making loud bangs repeatedly.

Graco pack and play

The first night

It happened that we just "upgraded" to a bigger cot (Graco playpen, see picture below). The playpen was very shaky as the bassinet net only hanged loosely on the upper ends. So the first night, she was making alot of noise by repeatedly turning her head and slamming her legs down. We had to make holes and secure the four bottom corners of the bassinet to the playpen using cable tie. 

The second night onwards

The bassinet was no longer shaky but she continued to turn her head and slammed her legs down especially the first half an hour after we placed her in the playpen. Perhaps it was her way to soothe herself to sleep. 

On certain nights, I could still hear that she was tossing in her Graco playpen every 1 hour. I wonder if it is due the wonder week, the graco playpen or I have become a light sleeper.

Well, I still prefer the co-sleeper which doesn't shake at all but because it was the mini version, I had to "upgrade" it to Graco.

I realised other mummies also facing the same "problem" as me. Let's just hope it is a phase only. Well, but I still think that the Graco playpen is really "noisy" and it is disturbing my sleep...

Valentine's day with baby

Hi bb,

This post is for u. Want u to know u got a number 1 daddy.

Today is Valentine's day. This is the best Valentine's day I had so far even though there are no flowers or presents given by daddy.

We didn't celebrate Valentine's day at any restaurant. It was simple. After a simple meal at Star Vista, we went back to our lovely woodlands home. We haven't been back for more than 1 month.

It was a pleasant surprise. Daddy had took a half day leave two days ago just to come to woodlands house for "spring cleaning". He spent hours cleaning the house for YOU.

We only stayed for 1 night but I was super happy. Daddy spent the whole day playing with you (most of the time helping you to change diapers! Haha. You poo alot u know? Many times are explosives kind and Daddy had to wash your pants).

I had my best shower too. Because I get to hear the voices of you and daddy playing/"arguing" while I bathe.

I love you daddy and I love you bb. Hope that you are having a sweet dream now. Daddy is holding you in his arms and don't dare to move a single inch as he is afraid that you will wake up. Think you had alot of fun and joy for your first Valentine's Day. Looking forward to celebrating with both of you the next Valentine's Day!

P.S you just poo again!